Hello, Hello Moms!

Well, we noticed a bit of hitting today, a wonderful opportunity for our community to grow together. I would like to share my insights from the many years of working with this.

The very first thing I would say is do not worry and don’t be embarrassed, and do begin to apply your observational skills and intuition and form a long lasting relationship to your Angel and your child’s Angel to determine what would be the best approach for you and your child. The first reason I say not to worry is because it feeds what can become a pattern by creating a negative visualization, the so called ,”self fulfilling prophecy.” Your child will be best supported by holding a very positive picture of who your child is and what they will become, according to the values and ethics which are important to you. I am not advising going into denial about what your child has done, but taking a more positive approach to the issue.

The other reason I say not to worry is that hitting is a “normal,” behavior for 2-3 year olds, however it is unacceptable; normal for many reasons and mainly age related. They still live in the consciousness that the world is them and they have challenges sharing. They don’t understand the difference between animate and inanimate objects. They do not have the neurological development for impulse control nor for understanding cause and effect. They are toddlers, learning how to socialize. (Perhaps our culture is like toddlers learning how to socialize with the need to give up the bully complex.) They also do not have the necessary neural development to understand boundaries and to communicate their needs.

They can however, learn socially acceptable behavior, which I would describe as kind, considerate and caring with the ability to compromise and participate harmoniously.

Now, in the instance of your child, try to understand and empathize with what underlies their  behavior. You can apply this to other behaviors as well. A few of the reasons I would suggest off the top of my head are:

1. not feeling well, hungry, tired, teething, allergies, coming down with a seasonal illness.

2. need for nutritional support. At this age their nutritional needs begin to shift a great deal.

3. young impulse control capacity, often with an underlying developmental reason for such behavior

4. not aware of boundaries and feeling threatened.

5. inability to communicate

6. unfamiliar with the space and guidelines

Whether you come to some insight into who they are and what makes them tick, ask the Angels to assist, as you put them to bed at night, mainly as a silent interaction, and to have the answer upon awakening.

Regardless of what comes to you a helpful approach after your child has hit is to say, as you shake your head back and forth calmly and caringly, “ We do not hit.” You can add, if you need a stronger statement, “Mommy doesn’t hit, Daddy doesn’t hit, We don’t hit. Our hands are strong and helpful and kind,” demonstrating on your self the gesture. Gesture is one of the most important tools you can use, since often the visual pathway is stronger than the auditory pathway. It can also be helpful to model for them caring for the child who was hit or asking to have a turn, mainly demonstrating the appropriate action, since they learn mainly from imitation.If your child is unable to verbalize, I’m sorry, say it for them as a role model. When they are a bit older, which varies from child to child, you can expect them to say the words.

It is beyond your child’s ability to state why they did something. How often do we know truly why we do what we do, or even think of it? The reasons they do so are mainly developmental and not because they are mean, cruel, or any other morally challenged reason. They just need help from us by  understanding the underlying reason and providing the help they need developmentally or providing the nutrition, sleep,etc. that they need. It helps, too, if it is all done with a lot of love in your heart. Children are most aware of what you think and feel about them.

I was so happy to see that all Mom’s were alert and guiding their child, caring for others children and not being judgmental of the other’s child. It says a great deal about what fine parents you are and what wonderful role models. I look forward to our year.

Love, Ms. Vicki

I am very happy to have people forward these blog articles on to other parents and request that you acknowledge where they originated and/or link to my website.☺